The Pink Bunny
by Lady of Revenge
Summary: Cracky oneshot about cracky gifts. With lots of YaHas. Hiruma x Rui.


Now this was an idea that my friend and me thought when we were bored. (Aren't we always bored?) And I mean… _really _bored. (and this is also a christmas gift for said friend... ;D ) YA-HA!

Just… don't ask anything. Please don't ask.

Pairing: Hiruma x Rui (you asked for it!)

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Eyeshield 21?

Warning: Crack, random fluffiness, Hiruma's very dirty mouth, OOC-ness (hey, I know that Rui-chan doesn't really smoke but in this fic he does, sorry)… and… And a pink bunny.

- - -

**The Pink Bunny and the Green Lizard.**

Poor Habashira-san didn't quite understand why he was feeling very uncertain as he shut off the engine and stepped inside that one little store where he always visited on sucky days like these. Usually, Rui didn't like people who smoked. But still, smoking was becoming a very bad habit of his whenever he felt uneasy or uncertain or angry. And today he was feeling like that, so that's why he was walking towards the shelf where stood one of his favourite cigarette packs.

You know, this really could have been a day where he would just buy a pack and leave, just like that. But today wasn't a day like that.

When Habashira extended his long arm to catch the pack, something caught his eye. The small box in his hand, confused chameleon man turned and blinked at what he saw.

He stared.

The pink bunny stared back.

Habashira shrugged and turned, meaning to go to the counter to pay his cigarettes, when something nagged at the back of his mind. The linebacker scratched the back of his head and glanced at the ominous _pink_ bunny, who was obviously trying to look like a normal, innocent bunny, which it clearly wasn't.

The lady at the counter was looking at the gangster funnily, raising her eyebrows. She was always there when Habashira came to buy his cigarettes (once a week, always at the same time), but this was the first time she saw the tall man acting quite… strangely. Rui was starting to look even more confused as he kept staring at the pink bunny, twitching like he wanted to leave, but couldn't, for some reason.

Something about that bunny bothered him. Bothered him really, really bad.

Hey, wait… Rui went a little closer to the bunny, frowning. He reached out his long fingers and poked the bunny. Like he had known, it didn't move. But still…did it… did it remind him of something? _Or…_

The poor chameleon went pale. It really did remind him of something. Or rather… a certain _someone._ This was supposed to be a child's toy, for fuck's sake. Then why did this pink bunny have such… pointy ears? Bunnies didn't have too pointy ears like this…and that kind of weird grin. Habashira poked again. Pointy ears… Rui trembled. Really. Why in the world did this bunny remind him of… of… of that _demon…_

The poor boy didn't know what went in his mind, as he raised the bunny and walked to the counter, slamming the bunny and the pack of cigarettes on it.

"I want these." The saleswoman could barely hold back her confused laughter, as she took Rui's money. She burst in giggles as Habashira put the stuffed animal under his arm and walked in a threatening way outside.

Unfortunately, the pink bunny ruined the threatening image.

A few meters away, two people were walking towards the store. Only the other one noticed as Habashira climbed on his bike. Sena babbled happily to Musashi, who didn't hear a word, just smiled in his absent-minded way to the Zokugaku chameleon, before turning his attention to the young running back. Gladly, Rui hadn't noticed them.

- -

The next day was another day of practise for the Devil Bats team. Rui lurked around the corner, watching the practise, not really interested in anything other than the tall blonde walking in center of the field, shouting orders and in times, firing his guns (where the heck did he got those, Rui had always wondered). It looked like the practise was ending, since the little shrimp – Eyeshield 21, was it? – was standing at the edge and looking like he was going to faint and Hiruma didn't even look like he cared. And he was right. The team packed their bags and moved towards the clubroom, Hiruma at the end, holding his pistol against his shoulder, chewing his gum.

Poor, poor Habashira really didn't understand what was wrong with him. He bit his lip and moved towards the field, when he had noticed that Hiruma had (maybe accidentally?) left his bag behind.

It was a miracle nobody saw his tall form dressed in white as he approached Hiruma's bag. How he could be so sure it was Hiruma's bag? Rui didn't even know himself. But when he reached it, he kneeled and opened it, carefully looking around if Hiruma was coming back.

The route was clear. Great. Habashira clutched the pink bunny a little more tighter as he quickly stuffed it to the deepest bottom of Hiruma's bag filled with small guns and one schoolbook. And then the chameleon took off; looking really scared when he saw the door of the clubhouse open. Blonde demon stepped out and saw only an empty field. His pointy ears twitched. But he was sure he had heard a roar of a motorcycle somewhere… well, whatever. Cursing a little, Hiruma approached his bag. He raised it and started to return to the clubhouse.

Only few meters away from the door, he noticed something. Why did his bag feel suddenly a little… heavier? He blowed his gum, shrugged and stepped inside the clubhouse.

His day had sucked anyway. The other members of the team that were still inside didn't dare to say anything to their captain, they had learned to read the demon's state of mind in all the time they had spent together practising. Even Juumonji, who usually had a snappy comeback, tugged Kuroki and Toganou with him and quickly vanished on their way. Hiruma sat down besides the table and without saying a word started to write with his laptop.

"Err… bye." He heard a small voice and only 'tsh'ed. Sena squeaked and ran away, fearing that his snappy captain would fire his guns at him _again._

It took only five – in Hiruma's opinion, _five very long – _minutes for the rest of the team to leave Hiruma alone.

He sighed, leaned back and put his feet on the table, closing his piercing eyes for a while.

The thought about his bag getting heavier nagged in the back of his mind. He opened his eyes and blowed a gumball. It bothered him. And it made his sucky day even suckier.

"Fucking stupid lizard." Annoyed tone in his voice was clear. Why did he even think about that idiot lizard right now, tsh. Hiruma rose and walked to his bag that he had left beside the closet near one of the walls. He started to dig it, frowning. What the fuck was wrong with…

Oh, shit.

Only few times had anyone seen that kind of surprised expression on Hiruma's face. And those people hadn't lived very long.

Hiruma's long fingers were holding a very pink, very badass-looking bunny plushie. And between its paws was tied a mini version of a grey machine gun. The demon's surprised expression vanished and was replaced by a very expressionless face. He quickly stuffed the plushie back into his bag. No way in hell he was gonna keep that, whoever had gave him that. He took his laptop and was on his way away from the clubhouse.

He _had _heard the sound of the motorcycle. He had seen a flash of white. And Hiruma was never wrong. _Never._

_That fucking stupid lizard._

The next day practise was as hard as ever. But now, the Devil Bats could see that their demonic captain was actually in a… very – frighteningly so – happy mood. It seemed that Hiruma only whipped them harder to do all the things. Like when their linemen almost crashed into each other – followed by Kurita's loud 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!' and Hah brothers' familiar motto – and Sena stumbled to the ground for the fifth time, even more scared, because when Hiruma was in _that_ good mood…. It usually didn't end well. They all had some sort of experience of that. Natsuhiko was cruelly dragged to the bench by his little sister – Suzuna nagging about her no-good big brother and Natsuhiko_ 'A-haa-haa'ing _all the time – and was followed by Musashi, who yawned.

Musashi took of his helmet and put it down on the bench, taking a sip from his water bottle. Suzuna pushed Natsuhiko back to the field and followed him, trying again to be the silly, annoyingly perky little cheerleader. Musashi raised his eyebrows and grinned, then sat down on the bench. He watched while Hiruma took a pistol somewhere – really, no one ever knew where he took all of his guns – and shoot, making the fucking pipsqueak shriek and jump. He watched when Hiruma passed and the monkey caught it – of course, he never missed -, grinning so widely Musashi swore he saw the monkey's teeth shine white. And he watched when Kuroki tackled Natsuhiko – the idiot didn't even realize at first why he was laying on the ground – and saw how Juumonji was ordered to protect the little Eyeshield 21 from the evil linemen, that is, Daikichi and the other Ha brothers.

But when Musashi moved, he felt his leg hit something. Dark eyes shifted down and the water bottle was forgotten to his hand. He recognized the black bag immediately. Gaze shifting to the field again – good, Hiruma was too busy to torture his team to notice, not that Musashi feared him – and back to the bag, he tugged something ominous inside the bag.

It was something fluffy. And terribly pink. The kicker with his punkish hair raised his eyebrows. What? He really hadn't thought that Hiruma was one to even own something…pink. And fluffy. Musashi tugged the pink thing again and carefully opened the bag more. The ominous pink bunny's head peeked out and the kicker could swear that the bunny was _staring _at him. He couldn't help but grin. Coughing, Musashi hastily pushed the bunny back to the bag and closed it, dark eyes moving to watch the field. Nobody still hadn't noticed. The kicker couldn't help his sarcastic grin. He took another sip of his water and then went back to the practise.

Later on, when the practice was over, Hiruma went to his bag, but was stopped when he noticed Musashi standing close, a weird grin on his face and his punk hair as wild as ever.

"What is it now, fucking old man?" The demon snarled, showing all of his frighteningly pointy teeth. Unfortunately Hiruma had gotten used to them and was not intimidated.

"That thing in your bag." Musa shi pointed to the black bag and his grin went wider. Hiruma frowned, but the kicker saw the way how his long fingers tightened around the sling of his bag.

"What the fuck do you mean, you fucking old man. Have you been digging my bag, huh?" This time one of the previously mentioned fingers poked Musashi's chest and the also previously mentioned demon was now practically snarling, looking like he would very much like to bite Musashi's head off. The kicker backed, but only to cough a little.

"Well…almost. But something caught my eye. So you like to carry things like that around, too? I thought it was just weapons, but that…" The demon's eyebrow was starting to twitch.

"Musashi…" Hiruma was starting to look annoyed. More than _annoyed_, angry, even. Musashi was like he hadn't noticed.

"I wonder where did you get that…or whom did you get that from…" Yes, the man knew very well who had given Hiruma that. He had seen Rui Habashira walk out of the store with that ominous-looking…err… toy.

Let's just say that the kicker of the Devil Bats was nowhere a stupid man. Actually, Musashi considered himself as a fairly intelligent person. And he was smart enough to leave, when a real growl escaped from Hiruma. Oh, it's not like Musashi feared him. He wasn't one to fear anybody or anything. It was just… he preferred his head where it was.

Hiruma snarled at him, before fidgeting with the sling of his bag. He angrily tossed his bag to the bench and opening it – shooting a nasty glance towards Sena, who had walked near by, scaring the small boy out of his mind. Hiruma took out the bunny and held it as far from his face as he could. No expression came into his face, only the way how his eyes went dark. He didn't quite understand. Oh well, he was going to burn this thing… seriously hurt it and torture it and then burn it. Yeah, that's a good idea…

He tossed the bunny back to bag, closed it and went on his way, very certain to do what he had just said. Even though, some small, horribly irritating part of his mind was saying that he had actually liked that someone had given him a gift – well, he thought it was a gift – and was not going to hurt it or torture it or in anyway destroy it.

Only few hours later, Hiruma went to a nearby store to buy some gum and magazines to help him out of his boredom. The demon had money. And a stern will to buy just those things, but… why the fuck was that silly little chameleon staring at him from the cover of some nature magazine? Hiruma wasn't a superstitious boy, but he felt that he wasn't going to get out of this store without buying that fucking magazine. He made a face and strutted to the magazine, showing his teeth to the chameleon. What the fuck are you staring at, you moron… you are just like… like… that fucking stupid lizard. Angrily Hiruma snatched the magazine and only then noticed that with it came a small, irritatingly cute green chameleon that you could put to hang with your keys. The demon stood there, the stupid nature magazine in his hand, completely still. The lady in the counter blinked at him, wondering what was wrong with this… strange-looking, pointy-eared young man, when the said youngster turned around and marched to her. He slammed the nature magazine, a weapon magazine and few gum packs on it and waited, his face completely expressionless. The young girl opened her mouth to say something, but gulped down all of the words she had tried to say, when a positively horrifying grin appeared to Hiruma's face.

"Just do your job." The seller took in the irritated way that Hiruma's fingers tapped the counter and how his eyes seemed to be filled with killing intent. She hastily did as she was told and Hiruma quickly vanished from the store, making the counter girl breathe a sigh of relief. That had been scary.

- -

A day went by without any major incidents. The day after the one where Musashi had made his sarcastic comments, a familiar motorcycle was seen parked near the gates of Deimon High. The equally familiar figure of the scary Zokugaku Chameleons captain was nowhere to be seen. Few students sighed in relief, but still didn't dare to touch the bike. The Zokugaku's students were known to be very obsessive about they bikes and noticed really quick if someone had touched it. And this was the captain of the football team! Rui Habashira had a reputation, and it wasn't a good one.

But the white-clad boy didn't look quite scary, when he stood near the Devil Bats' clubhouse, hands in the pockets of his jacket, chameleon tongue hanging from between his lips right down to his chin. He really didn't know what he was doing here. Hiruma had received the gift… no, no, no, no! No way in fucking hell it had been a gift, it was a fucking accident that hadn't supposed to happen and… Habashira's train of thought was interrupted very suddenly, when he felt a horrible chill. He gulped.

It couldn't be any other. Well, everyone knew Rui Habashira was a scary man, a gangster who liked to pick fights and threaten his team, but… there was one person he truly, positively feared. And that said person was standing right behind him, big, ominous bazooka laid against his skinny shoulder. And that said person was grinning. A very worrying wide grin.

"I…" Rui started and felt his entire confidence slide away. Hiruma raised an eyebrow. The pale chameleon boy blinked and quickly turned his head, gulping again. He wanted to say something, at least something! But nothing came out. And he felt suddenly very awkward.

"What did you do with it!" He suddenly blurted out, one strand of hair falling on his face. His big eyes had widened even more and without him noticing, his tongue had rolled over his chin now, making him look like a melancholic lizard. Hiruma blinked.

"Did with what?" The grin stayed like plastered on his pointy face. Rui hadn't noticed before how pointy everything about him was. Pointy teeth, ears, his face, even his shoes that were suddenly standing very close to him…

Rui stared. Hiruma stared.

"I burned it." The latter said innocently, his fingers tapping the surface of the bazooka. The black-haired man opened his mouth to say something, but long fingers grabbed his tongue, pulling the other one closer.

"Just don't say it, stupid fucking lizard. I burned it and that's that. Now leave." He let go of the other's tongue, grinned scarily and went on his way, leaving poor Rui stand there in the middle of the yard, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, with a very slight red tint on his pale cheeks.

He couldn't help but feel a little sad. Well, what had he thought? Giving Hiruma something like that… no way. Rui quickly rolled his tongue back in, turned around and went back to his motorcycle. The poor bunny, burning in the fires of hell… Habashira coughed and only then did he notice something.

A small, green chameleon key strap was hanging from the handle. Rui blinked few times, not believing his eyes. He touched it, to make sure it was real. He shouldn't hope for the impossible, but the little chameleon couldn't have just walked to hang from his handle, couldn't it?

Whatever was the way the key strap chameleon had found its way to him, Rui felt suddenly better when he disappeared from the gates and allowed a slight smile light up his face.

If Habashira had known, he would have probably been relieved, that Hiruma hadn't burned the poor, pink bunny.

Nope, the blond demon was sitting in the clubroom, the bunny on the table, and long fingers with long nails tugging it, tapping it like a little kid trying out a new toy. Which the situation clearly was. In the end, Hiruma may be Satan himself and all other nasty stuff, but…He poked the bunny again and then 'kekekekeke'd before putting the bunny back into his bag and leaving.

If someone had looked at the bunny right now, they would have probably rolled their eyes and laugh about how impossible Hiruma could be. (The same thing was written in Rui's new key strap) The letters H.Y was written on the back of the poor, poor suffering bunny and on the front there was only one word, written with felt-tipped pen, with arrogant, bold letters…

YA-HA.


End file.
